Growing up, I was the type of person most people didn’t bother talking to.
Born an only child, I struggled to make long-term social connections throughout my K-12 experience. I only had a few friends and rarely had weekends full of — or, in reality, with any — social events. When I had to present in class with a group, I actively avoided speaking. I remember once in 9th or 10th grade when I worked with a partner on a presentation about a book we read in class, I said nothing and let my partner do all the talking. In many social situations, it felt as if someone had zipped my mouth shut.
That’s not to say that I did not try to work on my speaking skills. For three years in high school, 40 hours each year, I volunteered at a STEM camp for K-6 students. My role was termed a “leadership intern.” I asked children open-ended questions to spark their creativity and helped them when they got stuck on questions, along with my responsibilities of being a general camp counselor, which included shuttling them from activity to activity. Despite my best attempts, I often felt like I wasn’t truly connecting with participants like other counselors, and the experience did little to improve my speaking skills.
College was much the same. Though I was in one leadership role, the community service co-chair for my university’s chapter of the National Society of Leadership and Success, I still fought with my anxiety when it came to speaking to a large group of club members or even when it came to sending out regular messages digitally. I felt like I made little progress communication-wise.
Post-undergraduate studies, I knew that I needed to become more comfortable communicating. I joined the SWE Early Career Professionals Affinity Group (ECP AG) so that I could continue my SWE involvement without a local section. After attending regular events, I expressed interest in volunteering for the ECP AG and began posting about mentoring topics regularly to a LinkedIn group that now has 70 members. Initially, it would take me more than an hour to both author a post and muster up the courage to post it. Now, with unwavering support from the ECP AG leadership team, I can post to the group with much less anxiety. Furthermore, I found the courage to speak in the ECP AG’s monthly professional development series. Despite fumbling with the answers to some questions, members of the AG were always right there to step in and assist me.
I improved my communication skills even more when I got the position of networking coordinator on the ECP AG leadership team. I began to speak in leadership team meetings. I hosted an event last year where I not only gave a presentation about the benefits of the ECP AG Member Directory, but also facilitated a trivia and networking session. As always, fellow ECP AG members were there to readily assist me, and I left the event feeling like I truly was becoming a more confident speaker. I plan on hosting another similar event this January called “Bringing the ECP AG to Your City — Directory Introduction and Networking Event” (you can register online). As further evidence of how my communication skills have developed, I was assured enough to ask — and, ultimately, secure — a speaker for the event. I also was accepted into SWE’s Ignite Leadership Program cohort and led a peer group discussion on leadership skill development.
Though I still have ample room for improvement, my involvement in the ECP AG and SWE in general has been monumental in helping me build momentum to improve my communication skills. The people I have found in the SWE community are some of the most supportive people I have ever met; I couldn’t have gotten as far as I did without them.
If you are a college student or early-career professional that struggles with communication anxiety of any form, whether in presentations, virtual communication, or even social situations, I highly recommend applying for a leadership position in your local section, affiliate or, if none are nearby, an affinity group such as the ECP AG. Regardless of where you are in your communication journey, fellow SWE members will always be more than supportive.
