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I was recently approached about an opportunity to be a panelist at an event on work-life balance for women in supply chain at BD (Becton, Dickinson and Company), a global medical technology company where I’m a senior director of reagents manufacturing. My first thoughts were that I’m not a good role model and don’t have anything to share on the subject; after all, I put in long hours at work.
However, as I continued thinking about it, I shifted my mindset to see the event as more of a discussion with the attendees, rather than a source of information and truth from the panelists. As I have experienced in many comparable settings, there is always something new we can share and learn.
As I started working on my story, I felt the need to check literature and other sources for more information on the subject that I could bring to the discussion. One key takeaway from my review, and something that transformed my thinking, was a shift from work-life balance to work-life harmonization.
Ultimately, work-life balance can have a different meaning for each woman. I connected with the fact that culture can have an impact on how we approach the desirable level of harmonization. Different stages in life can also change the way that we look at things. The same is true for many other scenarios that make us unique in how we navigate life.
While your approach will be different, here are five things I learned in my journey to work-life harmonization that can help you navigate yours:
1. The first one is related to what we choose to believe.
Outside of work, I chose to get certified as a professional coach. Something I learned during this process was that “or” is not an option when you want to pursue more than one thing. Rather, it is a matter of harmonizing the options. It is also important to plan for the “and,” and in most instances, to actually write it down.
For example: I chose a career and I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, etc. I often get feedback that I work too many hours, and I am conscious of this, but I choose to believe that I can do well in both areas.
When it comes to my time spent with family, I put my entire effort into being present. I actively listen, retaining information that demonstrates my care to the people I love. For example, I learned the names of my daughters’ friends and regularly ask about them individually. I studied my mom’s medications so I can help her with questions. I learned the rules and key players in the NBA to engage in conversations with my husband when it is on TV. I take part in what is going on in their lives.
With all this said, birthdays and life events will always be nonnegotiable; I purposely block my calendar ahead of time for the end of those days, or depending on the occasion, I will take the day off.
2. Another learning for me is that it does not need to be perfect.
A leader in our organization said something during a recent meeting that resonated with me: “Don’t let perfection get in the way of good enough.” As a perfectionist who pays attention to details, I had to adjust to this way of thinking.
In my case, it means not always doing it “my way” and, instead, accepting help so I can have better harmony. I am forever grateful for this help from my support network who have folded clothes for me in a different way than I do and prepared meals for me differently than I would have.
As a mother of twins, it was never easy to be on time and completely ready for an activity. As time passed, I realized it was secondary to have matching outfits, put shoes on my babies or take the coolest gift to a birthday party. I have attended soccer games completely overdressed, and I have been the last one to reply to the parent’ chat group. It has all been okay.
3. Third is related to boundaries.
While working late hours is always a choice or an exception, I have also learned that there are times that are 100% family time. For me, while on PTO, I focus on being on PTO and working my “long hours” with family. I may check my emails at the end of the day. I enjoy running, and when I run, I don’t take my work phone with me. While there are responsibilities, planning how to manage them has been key for me.
4. Fourth is about negotiation.
This one is relevant for employees and for those of us who have the honor to lead others. There will always be a looming deadline on the way. When seeking harmony, a good reminder is to ask myself, and then others, if these deadlines have the flexibility to account for other priorities that may arise.
5. Lastly, though there are more points I could cite, is to listen to well-intended feedback.
For example, a few months ago, one of my direct reports told me that there was no need to respond to all his emails after regular hours or Teams messages right away. He shared that a delayed response was fine. When people give you space to be in harmony, leverage it.
While I’m still far from achieving perfect work-life harmonization, this entire topic is really about feeling fulfilled in life. It is a never-ending auto-coaching process. There will be times when it feels impossible to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother or the perfect employee, but having the right attitude can supersede most challenges.
You can hear more about Grisel’s inspiring career journey, plus her favorite self-coaching tools for professional success, on Episode 233 of Diverse: a SWE podcast!
