Have you ever had a difficult boss, a client that could not be satisfied, or a coworker that didn’t carry their fair share of the load? We’ve all been there.
Have you been reprimanded, gotten a poor review, or even been fired? Has something happened that shattered your self-esteem?
As a woman engineer, you have probably experienced at least one of these challenges, and we start to believe this is normal.
A few years ago, I was working in a corporate job that I liked. I got great reviews, and I was the highest-ranking technical woman in the company. I had the largest customers and was very successful.
Yet it wasn’t all unicorns and rainbows. My boss had just retired, and I wasn’t interviewed for the position.
- Red Flag #1: The man they brought in came from another division — one that was more transactional and less relationship-based.
- Red Flag #2: I didn’t agree with the direction he wanted to take our group.
- Red Flag #3: “I can make it work,” I told myself. “Four more years and I can retire.”
I figured I could make it work, but life had other ideas.
One day, I drove four hours to a two-day sales meeting. When I got to the hotel, my room had been canceled. I was terminated on the spot and told I would be paid until the end of the day.
Shock, anger, embarrassment, fear — I experienced every negative emotion. As most women in STEM do, I had spent so much of my career working hard, putting in the long hours, doing the right things, and this is how I was paid back. It seemed so unfair.
My drive home was challenging. Then about halfway home, the thought popped into my head: “I don’t have to go to work tomorrow.”
I felt lighter, joyful, and free. I realized that job wasn’t what I wanted to do. I wasn’t fulfilled. I had been doing the “right” thing, and not focusing on the “best thing.” I was no longer living my true calling, and I had let someone else take control of my happiness. I vowed I would never do that again.
Which brings us to today. After writing a book, obtaining numerous coaching certifications, and studying how our conscious and unconscious minds operate, I now realize that being fired was a gift, and the boss I didn’t get along with was a teacher. I learned so much from that experience, and it made me a better person.
And it wasn’t just that experience. Every negative event is an opportunity to grow, to learn, to improve. Every difficult person is a teacher.
As women engineers, many of us have developed that hard shell. When faced with a negative situation or a difficult person, our natural inclination is to go into fight-or-flight mode. Or maybe we fawn, we crumble, we freeze. All of these are based on the prime directive of our unconscious mind to keep us alive.
Yet we can have input on that prime directive. We can tell our unconscious mind that while yes, we want to live, we also want to be fulfilled and joyful. We can integrate our unconscious and conscious minds, and we get to have input. We can make growth, learning, and fulfillment as important as just “staying alive.” We don’t have to do the “right” thing, we can do the “best thing.” And when we do this, everything becomes a gift.
The difficult person helps us develop our empathy. They help us with creativity; they teach us self-control, and that is a gift. The setback or negative event is also a gift. We build resilience. We face our fears and overcome them. We get stronger. We become empowered and take control of our joy and fulfillment. We devise inspired actions to overcome what is holding us back. Doesn’t this all sound wonderful?
As a woman engineer, you are probably asking, “How do we do this?” So many of us focus on being scientific and logical, and we ignore another whole half of our brains. Yet when we access the creative side, the unconscious part of our brain, so much more is possible.
I call this a “Reinvention Mindset,” which is like a growth mindset on steroids. It involves:
- Knowing your whys
- Believing in yourself
- Seeing all possibilities
- Realizing that we are all connected and that life is meant to be joyful
- Knowing that you can’t do it alone, and you don’t have to
- Developing an abundance mindset and refusing to live in scarcity, knowing there is enough for everyone
- Using tools like meditation, positive self-talk, listening to your intuition, focus exercises, and more.
Most importantly, it takes a commitment to yourself and to the belief that you are worthy of great things.
After all, you are already a successful woman engineer. Now it’s time to be truly fulfilled and happy. Life is more joyful when you live this way. Business success and fulfillment come easier. It is worth the effort.
